DIY Readings

Read Your Own Damn Cards: Stop Asking Permission, Start Listening (And Maybe Smoke Some Weed)

People often ask, with wide-eyed sincerity, if it's a good idea to read your own Tarot cards. They've heard whispers of rules, rituals, and sacred solemnities. Do I need to ask permission from the spirit of the deck? Do I need to perform elaborate consecration ceremonies with moonbeams and unicorn tears? Should I pray to the ancient deities of cardboard before every shuffle?

The answer, my perpetually anxious querents, is a resounding, unapologetic YES! Get over yourselves. If you're going to dive into the profound world of Tarot for self-reading, you need to shed these ridiculous, self-imposed constraints.

These Are Your Cards: Stop Acting Like an Intrusive Stranger

Please! These are your cards! They live with you. They absorb your energy. They've seen you naked (probably). Although you don't "own" them in the chattel sense, you are part of a profound, energetic union and partnership with them. It’s a dynamic, living relationship. Just like any intimate relationship, you don't have to ask for permission to speak, to ask questions, or to simply have a conversation. In fact, I would argue the connection you have with your personal Tarot deck is often more intimate, more honest, and certainly less judgmental than many human relationships. These are your guides, not some distant, easily offended deity requiring daily sacrifices.

• Ditch the Dogma: All those rigid rules about consecrating Tarot cards or asking permission are often fear-based traditions, designed to make Tarot seem more mysterious or to gatekeep access to its power. Your deck knows you. It chose you, or you chose it. The connection is already there. You don't need a formal invitation to your own party.

• The Partnership Principle: Think of it as a trusted confidant. Would you constantly apologize for wanting to talk to your best friend? No. You approach with respect, but also with familiarity and openness. That's the foundation of Tarot for personal growth.

Once You've Flipped the Card: It's a Conversation, Not an Interrogation

After shuffling, you have a choice, much like any social interaction: either ask a specific question, or simply let the cards speak to you first. It's like who is going to start a conversation – sometimes you have something pressing to say, sometimes you're just open to receiving wisdom. Both are valid.

But once you've flipped the card, the real work (and where most people screw up) begins:

• Let Them Speak to You: Don't immediately panic or jump to conclusions. Take a breath. Look at the imagery. What's the immediate gut reaction? What story does it tell you?

• When You Translate, Just Be Honest: Be brutally honest about what you see, feel, and sense. Don't censor yourself. If the Ten of Swords looks like a total nightmare, then that's exactly what it is in that moment. Your first, unfiltered impression is often the most accurate Tarot insight.

• Don't Second Guess Yourself: Your intuition is speaking. Trust it. Overthinking and doubting your initial interpretation just introduces static into the clear channel you've established. This isn't a pop quiz; it's a dialogue with your inner wisdom.

• Don't Google the Meaning Elsewhere (Unless You're a Beginner): If you already have an intuitive hit about what it means, then that's exactly what it means for you in that moment. Seriously, stop asking Google for an opinion. Your personal Tarot deck meaning is often unique to your situation. If you're a complete beginner, sure, consult a book or trusted resource for foundational meanings. But once you have a connection, prioritize your own internal dictionary.

• Don't Re-ask the Same Question (Are You Deaf?): If you didn't like the answer the first time, asking again just screams, "I don't respect your wisdom, so give me a different answer!" This is the spiritual equivalent of nagging, and your deck hates it. It gets you nowhere.

• Sugarcoating is Self-Delusion: Sugarcoating a negative card to fit a positive narrative, or vice-versa, will not change what is to come. If you pull the Tower, it's not secretly the "Happy Fun Times" card. It means upheaval. Pretending otherwise just makes you an unprepared idiot. Embrace the Tarot truth.

• If You Feel "Stuck," Then Stop Reading: Your mind is clearly not susceptible to receive information clearly at that moment. That's okay. It happens even to the best and finest readers. Force-feeding yourself interpretations when you're blocked is like trying to hear a whisper in a hurricane. You'll just get gibberish. Put the deck down.

• Keep in mind that you can hold a great conversation with the cards: Again, they like to talk too. Ask follow-up questions, explore nuances, dig deeper. This isn't a monologue; it's a dynamic exchange.

Your Tarot Deck: Not Your Emotional Punching Bag or Psychic Babysitter

Seriously, the level of disrespect some people show their cards is appalling.

• Ask How They Feel: If you must, ask the cards how they feel about reading you at the moment. Sometimes they are in a bad mood, or the energy is just off. Trust me, if you don't ask, they will give you nasty, confusing, or outright unhelpful readings, just to prove a point. They have personalities, even if they are made of cardboard.

• Stop Nagging the Deck: Stop nagging the deck because the card you picked was not of your liking. Seriously! Your deck is not responsible for your disappointment. It's delivering a message; it's not a cosmic concierge service designed to fulfill your every whim.

• They are not your psychologist and are not a "make me feel good" medicine. If you need cheering up, go outside, meditate, read a book, go out with friends! Heck, drink a glass of wine and watch a "make me feel good" movie. Better yet, clean AND cleanse your home. Hell, better yet, smoke some weed!!! (Responsibly, of course). Seek actual professional help if you're struggling; don't put that burden on a deck of cards. Tarot for mental health means using it as a tool for self-awareness, not as a replacement for therapy.

• They are not a tool to communicate with Ma' or Pa' who have passed on. They're not for use to inform you if ghosts are wandering around your home, or if your dead goldfish is lonely. The decks ARE a presence wandering around your home every time you call upon them, but they are not your personal Ouija board for contacting the dearly departed or confirming supernatural infestations. Seek a medium if that's your quest.

• And for the sake of humanity and yours, stop yelling at the cards. They are literally made of wood pulp. Yelling at them makes you look unhinged, and it just makes the energetic connection wonky.

Beyond the Whining: Using Your Cards for Good

Once you stop treating your deck like a disobedient child or a vending machine for instant gratification, you'll unlock its true power:

• Gratitude and Affirmations: Your cards can absolutely help you with your gratitude and affirmations. Yeah, that's right! I've used my cards for those very reasons. Pull a card for what you should be grateful for today. Pull a card to set an intention. They are a charm and a great reminder why you should be grateful for your life.

• Manifesting Your Dreams: The cards are great at assisting with Manifesting your dreams... if you listen carefully to them. They'll show you the path, the blocks, the energies to cultivate. They are a guide, not a magic wand.

A Crucial Note for Reading Others:

Now, for those that use the Tarot deck to read strangers, family, and friends – you must be extremely specific to the deck and let it be known that the reading is for them, not about them. This goes back to our strict Tarot ethics regarding third-party readings. The distinction is paramount for maintaining integrity and avoiding karmic entanglement.

So, put down the incense, stop asking permission, trust your gut, and get real with your cards. They're waiting to talk to you.

How To Ask The Tarots a Question

7 Stupid Questions to ask your Tarot Cards (And How Not to Be an Idiot)

Let's face it: most people approach Tarot cards with the same intellectual rigor they apply to choosing a Netflix series. They ask the dumbest questions imaginable, then get frustrated when a deck of ancient, archetypal wisdom doesn't magically solve their trivial problems or grant them instant riches. While 99% of other Tarot gurus will politely suggest "ask open-ended questions," I'm here to bypass the spiritual pleasantries and tell you why your questions are actively making you dumber, frustrating your deck, and turning your Tarot session into a waste of everyone's time.

Tarot isn't a magic 8-ball, a psychic GPS for lost keys, or a personal butler for your mundane dilemmas. It's a profound tool for introspection, empowerment, and cutting through your own self-deception. It’s not here for wish-fulfillment or as a substitute for critical thinking. I've been reading long enough to see the sheer, unadulterated idiocy people bring to the table, and frankly, it's exhausting. So, let’s dive into the seven deadly sins of Tarot questions, shall we? Consider this your intervention.

The Seven Deadly Sins of Tarot Questions: Why You're Doing It Wrong

No. 7: The Same Repetitive Question (The Definition of Insanity)

You didn't like the answer the first time, so you’re asking again, and again, and again? You desperate fool. Flipping a new card over and over will not magically change the first answer given. Tarot isn't a cosmic vending machine that will eventually dispense your desired outcome if you just insert enough hope, desperation, or slightly different wording. Your inner monologue, desperately trying to trick the universe, sounds something like: "Maybe if I shuffle harder… maybe if I use a different spread… maybe if I bribe the cards with positive thinking, they'll finally tell me my ex is coming back!"

No. The cards already spoke. You already have the answer. Your problem isn't the Tarot; it's your profound denial. Roll with it, or suffer the inevitable consequences of deliberate, self-imposed ignorance. The universe heard you the first time.

No. 6: The Lottery Ticket (The Delusional Gambler)

Let’s be excruciatingly clear: Tarot cards are not tools for gambling, nor gaming, nor picking numbers for your pathetic lottery dreams. Even if your deck features four majestic knights mounted on powerful horses, this absolutely does not mean they will give you the winning steed at the racetrack. If I knew the lottery numbers, or the winning horse, or the next big crypto surge, by now, I would be sipping on daiquiri drinks all day and night somewhere in the Caribbean, not patiently explaining basic life lessons to you via a deck of cardboard.

The sheer audacity of asking a tool designed for spiritual and psychological insight to help you financially exploit a probabilistic game is offensive. It cheapens the entire practice and highlights a fundamental misunderstanding of Tarot’s purpose. Get a gambling addiction helpline, not a Tarot reading, if this is your primary concern.

No. 5: Open-Ended, Trivial Questions (The Decision-Phobe's Lament)

"Should I buy that outfit I saw at the store today?" Dear Lord. Are you seriously outsourcing your wardrobe decisions, your lunch choices, or whether you should text them back to a deck of ancient, archetypal symbolism? This isn't just a trivial question; it’s a symptom of a deeper inability to make basic life decisions, and Tarot is not your spiritual nanny.

Tarot is not there to make your inconsequential daily choices. It's about empowering you to tap into your intuition, weigh your options, and own your decisions, not to provide a psychic shopping assistant. If you need a reading to decide what to wear, you probably need a life coach more than a High Priestess.

No. 4: Defying the Outcome (The Self-Sabotaging Rebel)

So, the cards tell you that if you continue on your current path, you’ll achieve financial comfort and stability. Your response? "Great! I'm going to go rob a bank!" Guess what? Instead of a comfortable financial life, you’ll be enjoying the unique amenities of an uncomfortable cell. Tarot shows potentials, illuminates warnings, and highlights probabilities; it does not dictate an unbreakable, unchangeable fate that you are powerless to influence.

Your free will is still a thing. A very powerful, often self-sabotaging thing. Tarot is not a "dare" challenge to see if you can spite the universe. It’s a roadmap, not a predetermined destination. If the map shows a bridge out, you don't speed up just to prove the map wrong. Get the point?

No. 3: Lost and Found (The Spiritually Impatient)

You're in a hurry, you can't find your car keys, and you're asking the cards to help you find them? Are you insane? Tarot cards are not metal detectors. They are not a spiritual version of "Where's Waldo?" designed to locate misplaced objects. Their insights operate on a far more nuanced, energetic, and archetypal level than "your keys are under the couch cushion."

And in case you're wondering: no, the cards are not going to help you find the lost treasures of Atlantis; it's not a treasure map either. If you have trouble finding your belongings, buy a Tile tracker, not a Tarot deck, for missing items. Or, you know, try developing some basic organizational skills.

No. 2: New Path (The "Upgrade My Life" Delusion)

"Can the cards help me upgrade to a new path?" You're asking a deck of cards to magically transport you from your current reality to a brighter, shinier, presumably easier one. Let me be blunt: Paths are not like a cell phone company where you just choose a new, improved plan. You're already on a Path that you were born with, and you have the power within you to improve it, modify it, or forge a completely new one through conscious effort.

Tarot isn't here to passively drag you to some predetermined destiny. It's here to show you the landscape of your current journey, highlight potential detours, and illuminate the tools you already possess to actively change your course. So, stop waiting for a card to push you. Keep walking, actively, with your own two feet.

No. 1: Decision Maker (The Ultimate Responsibility Dodger)

This, dear reader, is the crescendo of idiocy. You want to buy a castle, you have the means, you understand what it financially entails, and you STILL need a deck of cards to give you the answer? Yeeaahh, NO. Tarot is not a real estate agency. It is not your personal financial advisor. It is not your therapist. It is not your mother.

Tarot supports decision-making by illuminating your underlying motivations, potential outcomes of different choices, or hidden fears. It does not make the decision for you. If you're incapable of making significant life choices without outsourcing your personal agency to cardboard and intuition, you have bigger problems than whatever castle you're eyeing. Take responsibility for your own life.

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How Not to Be an Idiot: Examples of Quality Questions

Now that we’ve purged the spiritual garbage, let's look at what actually works. The best questions are focused, open-ended (but not trivial), and put the responsibility for action squarely back on you.

No. 6: "What does my life in the next year or so look like?"

This allows the cards to give you a broad overview, a taste of what energies and potentials await. If the outlook comes out negative, then we can further ask how to mitigate or avoid the issues. The cards love to advise, but at the end of the day, you hold the reins of decision and action. It’s about foresight, not predestination.

No. 5: "How can I best resolve a family issue?"

You are asking for advice and possible approaches from the cards to assist you, not to solve it for you. This opens up possibilities of multiple, constructive approaches, empowering you to choose the path forward, rather than waiting for a divine decree to fix your dysfunctional relatives.

No. 4: "How can I improve the current situation at work?"

Sometimes we conjure problems that don't even exist. But if you do have a genuine problem at work, the cards will give you insight into the root cause of the situation or what external factors may be at play, and crucially, how to improve it. It's a mirror reflecting your professional landscape, not a magic wand to make it disappear.

No. 3: "Where is my current lifestyle leading me towards?"

Excellent question! The cards will give you an insight into where your current trajectory, based on your present actions and mindset, is heading. This provides a crucial chance to make informed decisions to improve your life before you hit a brick wall, rather than blindly stumbling into a future you don't want.

No. 2: "Who is the best person I can ask to assist me?"

It's all about quality, not quantity, when it comes to support. A question like this can illuminate potential mentors, collaborators, or even professional help you hadn't considered, allowing you to choose which approach works best for you. Tarot can point you towards the right human resources, not just the spiritual ones.

No. 1: "Are there obstacle(s) I need to be aware of at work?"

This is a good, proactive question to ask. A card reading can highlight hidden pitfalls, internal blockages, or external challenges that might derail your progress. This insight can then set you back on track at work if you've been eyeing a promotion or want to prevent discord with the boss, client, or a co-worker. It’s a warning system, not a solution generator.

The True Power of Tarot: Your Manifestation of Light (and Snark)

I don't know of a Tarot reader worth their salt who will disagree with me when I say a quality question goes a long, long way. Cards are indeed a beacon of light, but only if you know how to direct that light. They can shine your way to the finish line in any aspect of your life, but they won't carry you there.

A deck of Tarot cards are to be treated with respect. These are not just cut-out plastic board cards. These are more like a Pandora's Box, guided by spiritual lights, beings, or whatever you believe in; which holds a wealth of guidance and information if you ask the right questions. Stop being an idiot. Start asking questions that actually matter.