Perception
You can whip out a Tarot deck, and everyone thinks you’re "intuitive" and "quirky." But pull out a Ouija board and suddenly, everyone is clutching and furiously text-banking their nearest Catholic priest.
The Ouiji Creation
Before we get too deep into the woo-woo, let’s remember one hilarious fact: The modern Ouija board was patented in the 1890s as a parlor game and is currently largely distributed by Hasbro.
Hasbro is the same company that makes My Little Pony® and Monopoly®, and is apparently also responsible for manufacturing the gateway to hell. And it's also hard to take eternal damnation seriously when it comes in a cardboard box with markings for "Ages 8+."
A Star Was Born - Ouiji in Hollywood
We’ve all seen the movies where a group of attractive, dumb teenagers decide to contact Ed Gein during a thunderstorm, forget to say goodbye, and suddenly little Timmy is levitating and speaking Aramaic. All of the sudden, everyone is being butchered and beheaded one by one. Now we’ve been programmed to believe that touching that little plastic planchette is the spiritual equivalent of licking a subway pole during a pandemic.
The Science Buzzkill (Sorry)
Before you convince yourself that you’re chatting with a Mesopotamian Wind Demon aka Pazuzu, let’s talk about the Ideomotor Effect.
Science suggests that the planchette moves not because a ghost is pushing it, but because you are. It’s your subconscious making tiny, involuntary muscle movements driven by your expectations, fears, and desires.
That might be scarier than a demon whispering in your ears at night. Your subconscious is a messy, unfiltered place. It knows things you refuse to admit to yourself. Sometimes the scariest thing on the board isn't "Zozo," it’s just your own repressed anxiety spelling out exactly why you’re still single.
Tarot vs. Ouija
Tarot looks like Vincent van Gogh painted paper cards where you have to learn to interpret the artists thoughts.
Whereas Ouija boards looks like a cell phone, you can text and call your drunken uncle from the other side.
The Ouija Board has no pictures. There are no symbolism. It spells out words directly. It is raw, unmoderated data. It’s the comments section on a YouTube video at 3 a.m.—you never know what kind of unhinged trolls are lurking there, waiting to type something nasty.
The Real Danger (Spoiler: It’s You)
Is the board itself evil? No. It’s cardboard. But if you decide to go with the flow and play...
You've been warned. They act like an unmoderated cellphone with no control buttons to stop the communication:
Ghostly Spam: There is no "Do Not Disturb" mode. Once you dial out, every low-level spirit in the vicinity treats your board like a free Wi-Fi hotspot.
No Caller ID: You think you’re talking to "Great Aunt Martha," but it’s actually a demonic hacker named Malphas who just wants your social security number (or your soul, whichever is easier to flip).
The "Pocket Dial": If you don't close the session, it's like leaving a call active in your pocket. You’re just leaking energy and letting entities listen to your private life like a bad tracker.
How to Handle the Drama (Proper Actions)
Block the Trolls: If the board starts spelling gibberish or getting aggressive, "hang up" immediately by say "Good-Bye". Don't engage with the "trolls" of the spirit world.
Factory Reset: If the energy in the room feels heavy or "glitchy" afterward, use sage or salt and cleanse, cleanse and more cleansing! It’s the spiritual equivalent of clearing your cache and cookies.
End the Call: Move the planchette to "GOODBYE." If you don't, you've essentially left the line open for a 3:00 AM "You up?" text from a Ed Gein or Ted Bundy ghosts.
If you sit down at the board terrified, trembling, convinced that something bad is going to happen, congratulations! You are vibrating at the exact frequency of "please haunt me." You are essentially opening your spiritual front door wide, yelling "HEY, ANYONE HOME?", and then acting surprised when a raccoon wanders in and trashes your kitchen.
Lack of boundaries + intense fear = a bad time. That’s just spiritual math.
The Conclusion
Look, if your spiritual vibe is "fragile flower scared of their own shadow," maybe stick to the Oracle cards with the fuzzy bunnies on them.
But if you’re going to mess around with the Ouija, treat it like a power tool. You don't use a chainsaw while drunk, and you don't use a Ouija board when you're emotionally unstable or desperate.
Set some boundaries. Be respectful. And for the love of all that is unholy, say goodbye when you're done.
Oh, and stop asking dead Victorian children if your ex-boyfriend still thinks about you. Trust me, the spirits have better things to do.
